The Response to "Should women ask men out?"
Lolah inspired me to rant and rave in my own blog in response to her blog.
As I mentioned in the comments to her blog, its all about increasing your chances of success. If you are serious, and I mean really serious about finding someone, waiting on a man to approach you is like waiting on him to buy you a scratch off lottery ticket whenever he feels like it. Your chances of winning are solely on his terms. If you take it upon yourself to purchase your own, you have significantly increased your chances of finding a winning ticket. I can't put it any simpler than that.
If a person is unemployed and really needed a job, they would undertake any effort to enhance they chances of successfully finding employment. Why won't a female looking for a serious relationship follow the same philosophy? My conclusion is that you would like to have a man, but your fine without one. That's like says it would be nice to have a job, but I just don't want to put in any extra effort to get one.
Many females use tradition as the foundation for their beliefs on this subject. "Men like to chase, let them chase you." Well, I know plenty of other things that are traditional. I also thought it was traditional for a female to cook for a man instead of a man taking a woman out to a restaurant every time. Truth of the matter is, most men are aware that there are several women who use men just so they can spend money on them. WAIT! I know what your about to say. Men use women for sex. My solution to that is to let it be known up front that "it ain't going down like that", even before the first date. If he chooses to still go out with you, you may have a winning ticket in your hand.
From a pure competition stand point, if you're out with your girls at a lounge or party or whatever, suppose there are 40 women in the room and only 13 men, its a huge gamble that the men in the room are going to notice you out of 40. Walking over and starting a conversation would be a great way to stand out in a crowd, other wise your just another resume on a stack of 40 applying for the same job. You may say, "he's going to think he's got some easy coochie". Well, if he bases those thoughts on you starting a conversation, then he's an idiot and you don't want his number anyway.
I find it amazing that in 2009 we have female CEO's running companies, running for the presidency, closing billion dollar deals in the board room, etc., most are afraid to do something as trivial as starting a conversation and asking for a number. I have several theories on why this is still the case.
#1. Being cheap! The person who asks someone out is usually obligated to pick up the check.
#2. Afraid of rejection! Women have been screaming about equal rights and having the same opportunities as men for a long time. Well, men have been dealing with rejection from women for centuries. After you swallow your pride, I promise that you will get over it about 5 seconds after it occurs, we do.
#3. Don't want to appear desperate! It's all about the presentation. Your confidence will be communicated with your conversation. The men that are keepers are not intimidated by successful, confident or dare I say "independent" women. There is much confusion about what men think about independent women. We don't care how successful you are when we first meet you. We are more concerned about your personality and sexuality (at first glance) when we have an initial conversation. Probably not a good idea to mention everything you accomplished in life, unless he asks. Again, it's all about how you present yourself.
#4. Don't want to communicate an invitation for sex! If your not putting that vibe in the air and he still elects to think it, he's and idiot and you should keep it moving as far away from him as possible.
I know this may be different from what your use to doing, but we live in different times. I believe success or failure with trying this will be based on your selection process. I would recommend not trying this at the club. It is my belief that most women know right from the jump that a guy is not worth his weight, but they still jump in eyes wide shut. I think most men are easy to read, but that's just me.
(Side note: If you think men are out looking for love, think again. Every married guy I know never had that in mind when he met his future wife. The women in their lives basicly showed them that they were keepers during the course of the relationship. I say that to remind you that your thoughts won't always be in sink. Dating is not a simple process.)
If you ladies do decide to continue on your past practices, be prepared to have limited success, especially in a lottery market like ATL, where you competition may be buying her own lottery tickets.
P.S. I know Lolah is going to eat me alive for this blog.
