An Astronaut’s Tale

Not all astronauts work for NASA

When one thinks of an astronaut, you think of intelligence. These are people who can solve the most difficult equation of quantum physics. If a problem occurs in space, they are over equipped to create a solution.

But, what if there is a parallel universe where astronauts appear to be intelligent, but their actions say otherwise? What if some of these “special” astronauts somehow found themselves among us? What if we pass these “special” astronauts everyday on the street, in the grocery store, or at work?

Now you should be wondering “where is he going with this”, well I had to lead in with something so bizarre, because the 2 astronauts I’m about to tell you about will definitely have you scratching your head. I will recall these events as close to actual as my memory will allow, but you will get the point.

Astronaut #1: Let’s call her Mary

Mary is a late thirties single educated woman with a great job and her own home. Mary has had relationship problems, seemingly, her entire life, but hey, no body’s perfect. Mary met a gentleman about a year ago. Let’s call this gentleman Juan. Before I go any further, I must warn you that nothing I tell you about Juan, other than his ethnicity and physical characteristics, can be verified. Juan is Puerto Rican, athletic, very fit, green eyes, good hair, and is in the military. Juan SAYS he is divorced. Anyway, Mary begins to date Juan and has him living with her within the first month of their introduction. They engage in a relationship, in everyway, that any couple living together would. This goes on for about 2 or 3 months.

Juan SAYS that he is being relocated over seas by the military, and he would like to go visit family in Puerto Rico prior to his departure. So, Juan leaves. Mary calls to make sure Juan made it OK. No Answer. Mary emails. No answer. This goes on for 2 or 3 weeks. She knows that he is still breathing, because she has been checking his MySpace page the entire time, since his departure and sees that he has been logging in. She finally gets an email from him in week 4 saying that he’s been busy running around, and apologized for not getting in contact sooner….. blah… blah… blah. Anyway, Juan SAYS he leaves for Asia for his overseas assignment that should last a year.

Again, Juan disappears for almost a year this time. Mary gets a call from Juan about 3 weeks prior to his return to the states. Juan asks Mary to help him get his credit back on track. Mary agrees and begins the letter writing in his name to the various credit agencies (isn’t she a sweetheart). Juan also informs Mary that his first stop back in the states would be in New Jersey, where his father lives. Mary immediately books a flight to arrive a few days after Juan for a weekend rendezvous. I know this because Mary stayed at my home the night before her 6:30am flight left for Jersey. As I sat across the table from Mary that night, her being clueless about my knowledge of her reason for being in the city, I had to ask “So, what brings you to Atlanta?” She replied, “I’m going to see my man.” I almost choked trying to keep from LMAO. Nevertheless, she woke up early the next morning, after barely being able to sleep, anxious for her flight like a kid on Christmas morning.

About 3 weeks after that day, Juan SAYS he has been assigned to a location in Kentucky. Juan also has new information. Apparently, Juan’s ex-wife just had a child from another man, and since the ex-wife had no insurance, Juan was nice enough to allow the child to be put on his insurance. Isn’t Juan just the best guy ever? What a very noble thing to do?

Just this past weekend, Mary left work around 3:30pm on a Friday and drove to Kentucky to see Juan, her man, arriving around 9pm that night. The next day, Mary made the generous decision to purchase living room and bedroom furniture on her credit to furnish Juan’s apartment in Kentucky. Isn’t she the best?

While staying with her man over the weekend, Mary made a startling discover. She found a box of condoms. Mary became very upset, but immediately calmed down after hearing Juan’s explanation for why he had condoms in his apartment. My first thought was that the condoms were for them, while they practice safe sex, but apparently, I was wrong. Juan explained that he pleases himself because she lives so far away. He further explained that while pleasing himself, it gets messy and he didn’t want to clean up after himself. Therefore, he wears condoms to avoid said messiness (why didn’t I think of that, he’s a genius). Mary understood Juan’s reasoning and resumed their weekend until she made her long trip back home on Sunday.




Astronaut #2: Let’s call her May

I met May through work. Again, May is a late thirties single educated woman with an OK job and her own home. Mary has had relationship problems, seemingly, her entire life, but hey, no body’s perfect. One day she walked in my office seeking relationship advice. I asked several questions to see where her head was at. May didn’t seem to understand why guys would never call her back after she had sex with them, almost immediately after meeting them. She began to tell me about her most recent quagmire with this one guy.

Genius Move #1:
She recently met a guy and was at his apartment on a sexual encounter. Later that night there was a knock at the door. The guy jumps up startled and hesitantly answers the door. It was his girlfriend. He argues with her for a minute at the door, before walking back into the bedroom to inform May that she had to leave. May makes a smart remark or two to the guy but leaves nevertheless, while the guy’s girlfriend stays. The guy calls May the next day and offers an apology and explanation for the mix up the night before. May accepts his apology and is back at his place for another sexual encounter that night.

Genius Move #2:
May calls me one day upset because of something that recently happened to her. I immediately became worried and asked her to explain what the problem was. May tells me that she was at some guy’s house about to have a sexual encounter with him for the first time. The guy informed her that he didn’t have any condoms, but assured her that he was clean. May agreed to have sex as long as he agreed not to “do his business” while on her. He agreed so they proceeded with the act. Next, May informed me that he didn’t keep his side of the deal, and that’s why she was calling me upset.

I could not believe what my ears had just heard.

Conclusion:
I have concluded that there are some “special” astronauts in this world that should not be in any type of relationship. These people are not strategically equipped to handle the complex and dynamic characteristics involved in the cat and mouse game of male and female relationships. A person must be equipped with a good mixture of common sense, education, and life experiences to adequately handle any type of relationship in today’s world. To put it point blank, if a guy is not up on his game, the right woman will run circles around him and vice versa.

THE PRICE OF ADMISSION

The laws of physical attraction!

What do you charge for admission? What level of payment in the form of physical attraction do you require for admittance into your world? I ponder this question, based on the fact that two separate female friends have both told me recently that they have met interesting men, but won’t pursue anything further merely because that don’t have the price of admission. In other words, they are very unattractive or even down right ugly. They also indicated that on paper, these guys could be perfect for pursuing a relationship. I guess they should blame their parents for there physical appearance. Nevertheless, I wonder if you asked several women to write down all the deal breaking qualities a potential mate must possess from most important to least important, where will physical attributes fall in the sequence? Will “tall, dark, and handsome” be at the top of their list, the bottom, or on the list at all? To my female readers, think of it this way; God pulls you aside and puts 10 men numbered 1-10 in front of you. Now pay attention, the numbers represent the level of physical attraction for each man. God also tells you the following:

You can choose once and only once.

All men are of equal stature in life (same money, personality, sex drive, etc.)

The only difference is how they look physically.

And one more thing, if you decide to have children with one of these men, there physical appearance will have no bearing on how your children will look (i.e.: ugly man not equal to ugly child or attractive man not equal to attractive child; its 50/50 either way).

How will you choose? What would you base your selection on? What if he added one more thing; the worst he looks, the better he will treat you, and the better he looks, the worst he will treat you? Are you willing to sacrifice joy and happiness for the sake of eye candy? There have actually been studies done that suggest that the better a man looks the more likely he is to jump in and out of relationships consistently. It essentially means that he demands the affection of multiple women throughout his life.

The laws of physical attraction have been studied for decades. One article I read from research done at Florida State University says there’s no such thing as love at first sight, but attraction at first sight is another thing. The article also writes “no matter what reason one person has for sizing up another, be it seeking a mate, or sizing up a rival, a good looking person will capture a person's attention almost instantly and it can make it impossible for the person to turn their eyes away.” The subjects of the study were heterosexual men and women. All the participants fixated on people who were considered to be highly attractive within the first half second of seeing them. This was consistent around the board. We all are designed to instinctively be drawn to attractive people.

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that relationships solely based on physical attraction are bound to fail. If your potential mate don’t possess qualities like intelligence, sense of humor, goal oriented, fun and adventurous, compassion, and friendliness, it will be difficult to maintain a lasting courtship. Will the existence of these qualities minus the physical attraction ever be enough for some people?

One article invites you to ask yourself “Do I have any ugly friends?” I look at the people in my circle and NO, I have not one friend that is ugly. The article suggests that we all use physical attraction in every corner of our lives. Imagine you are in a crowded room standing next to a friend having a conversation. A very unattractive person walks over and stands next you. This person does not say a word they are simply enjoying a drink. You begin to notice people looking in your direction. You know they are not looking at you. Do you begin to feel uncomfortable or not? If really makes you think for a minute, doesn’t it.

This was the best quote from my research:

“There is yet a deeper level within the core of our being that we sometimes miss. We are essentially spiritual beings .The law of physical attraction is a necessary but it is elementary to the spirit of love. The law of physical attraction is the light that draws the flame closer. It does not have the power to entice the flame higher or to keep it, there must be something more than that law that draws the flame to the fire. An example: It has been said that some women like the bad boy persona. Why? What is it that draws these women to them? It is the spirit of whom they personify. It is who they are whether real or imagined. What is spirit? Spirit is the true origin of a person, whether pure or impure. Spirit is the level within human consciousness that transcends us to a higher purpose, or calling. It is this that we must look for when determining who we want to spend the rest of our lives with. Instead of making our decisions based purely on the law of physical attraction let us look deeper within the well of the person and see what the spirit of the individual brings before us. If it is the true spirit of a person that attracts us to them and vice versus, then we will experience a new level of intimacy and love, because we have chosen to rely on the spirit of love instead of the law of physical attraction.” Nita Carson

Could it be true that in order to find a prince that will treat you like a queen you may have to kiss a few toads?

Are you comfortable with your current “price of admission?”

In case you want to read some of the articles:

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/383154/research_shows_how_physical_attraction.html

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/04/13/o.laws.of.sex.attraction/

http://www.elle.com/Living/Society-Culture/Helen-Fisher-Why-Him-Why-Her

Is Love For Sale?

(Picture This) A man walks into a grocery store and asks the door greeter, "Do you know what isle I can find love on"?




I was talking with the fellas one day and we started discussing how it appears that a large majority of females in Metro Atlanta are looking for a baller aka a man with plenty of money. One can only come to such a conclusion when pondering how someone like Lil Wayne can pull such overly attractive women on a consistent basis. Everyone knows that if he was an average guy, he wouldn't get nearly the play that he gets. I know some may say that this sounds like I'm hating. It just brings me back to the subject at hand, "is love for sale"? There is one common denominator in the following names: Lil Wayne, Biggie Smalls, Jermaine Dupri, and the list goes on and on. The common value in this equation of men is they all have money. I posed this question to the female members of my family at a recent cookout. An overwhelming majority said that "yes", love is for sale. Everyone remembers the lyrics from some old songs, "no money, no honey, no cash, no ass". Or, who can forget the famous, "romance without finance is a nuisance". I didn't want to believe that a price tag can be put on an emotion as strong and as important as love.

It's kind of sad in a way. If your family is anything like mine, your grand parents and great grand parents didn't have a whole lot of possessions, but they had genuine love for one another, because all they really had in this world was each other. It's almost like love has been replaced with Bentley's, 5, 000+ sq. ft. homes, expensive jewelry, etc. If you can provide those things, then you will have people lining up at your door waiting to love the hell out of you.

I have concluded that genuine love is not for sale. You can not buy genuine love from anyone. You only purchase a watered down version of what love is suppose to be. You will get all the things that come with love, like sex and quality time. The only problem is, the knock-off version of love expires as soon as the money does. Therefore, in today's dating word, relationships have almost become a business transaction. It has become no different from the arrangement you have with your employer. You provide a service, and you get paid for it. If your employer told you that he or she wanted you to continue working, but they could no longer pay you for it, you wouldn't show up the next day, regardless of whether you needed the money or not.

I know there can't be that many ballers in Atlanta. It may be one for every 5,000 females that are on the hunt for Mr. Moneybags. Sounds like these females will have a better chance of catching an STD than a baller. I guess this explains why men in Atlanta go through such great lengths to create the illusion of a baller. I can hear them at the Rim Shop now, "I don't have to be a baller, I just need her to think that I am."

Most females will say, who wants a guy with no car or there own place to live. If your one of those females that require some basic needs, then your not included in this discussion.

"Do you play the lottery?"

The Response to "Should women ask men out?"

Lolah inspired me to rant and rave in my own blog in response to her blog.

As I mentioned in the comments to her blog, its all about increasing your chances of success. If you are serious, and I mean really serious about finding someone, waiting on a man to approach you is like waiting on him to buy you a scratch off lottery ticket whenever he feels like it. Your chances of winning are solely on his terms. If you take it upon yourself to purchase your own, you have significantly increased your chances of finding a winning ticket. I can't put it any simpler than that.

If a person is unemployed and really needed a job, they would undertake any effort to enhance they chances of successfully finding employment. Why won't a female looking for a serious relationship follow the same philosophy? My conclusion is that you would like to have a man, but your fine without one. That's like says it would be nice to have a job, but I just don't want to put in any extra effort to get one.

Many females use tradition as the foundation for their beliefs on this subject. "Men like to chase, let them chase you." Well, I know plenty of other things that are traditional. I also thought it was traditional for a female to cook for a man instead of a man taking a woman out to a restaurant every time. Truth of the matter is, most men are aware that there are several women who use men just so they can spend money on them. WAIT! I know what your about to say. Men use women for sex. My solution to that is to let it be known up front that "it ain't going down like that", even before the first date. If he chooses to still go out with you, you may have a winning ticket in your hand.

From a pure competition stand point, if you're out with your girls at a lounge or party or whatever, suppose there are 40 women in the room and only 13 men, its a huge gamble that the men in the room are going to notice you out of 40. Walking over and starting a conversation would be a great way to stand out in a crowd, other wise your just another resume on a stack of 40 applying for the same job. You may say, "he's going to think he's got some easy coochie". Well, if he bases those thoughts on you starting a conversation, then he's an idiot and you don't want his number anyway.

I find it amazing that in 2009 we have female CEO's running companies, running for the presidency, closing billion dollar deals in the board room, etc., most are afraid to do something as trivial as starting a conversation and asking for a number. I have several theories on why this is still the case.

#1. Being cheap! The person who asks someone out is usually obligated to pick up the check.

#2. Afraid of rejection! Women have been screaming about equal rights and having the same opportunities as men for a long time. Well, men have been dealing with rejection from women for centuries. After you swallow your pride, I promise that you will get over it about 5 seconds after it occurs, we do.

#3. Don't want to appear desperate! It's all about the presentation. Your confidence will be communicated with your conversation. The men that are keepers are not intimidated by successful, confident or dare I say "independent" women. There is much confusion about what men think about independent women. We don't care how successful you are when we first meet you. We are more concerned about your personality and sexuality (at first glance) when we have an initial conversation. Probably not a good idea to mention everything you accomplished in life, unless he asks. Again, it's all about how you present yourself.

#4. Don't want to communicate an invitation for sex! If your not putting that vibe in the air and he still elects to think it, he's and idiot and you should keep it moving as far away from him as possible.

I know this may be different from what your use to doing, but we live in different times. I believe success or failure with trying this will be based on your selection process. I would recommend not trying this at the club. It is my belief that most women know right from the jump that a guy is not worth his weight, but they still jump in eyes wide shut. I think most men are easy to read, but that's just me.

(Side note: If you think men are out looking for love, think again. Every married guy I know never had that in mind when he met his future wife. The women in their lives basicly showed them that they were keepers during the course of the relationship. I say that to remind you that your thoughts won't always be in sink. Dating is not a simple process.)

If you ladies do decide to continue on your past practices, be prepared to have limited success, especially in a lottery market like ATL, where you competition may be buying her own lottery tickets.

P.S. I know Lolah is going to eat me alive for this blog.

"Black Women" - Falling From Grace

The greatest thing God ever created was a woman. Women have somehow forgotten how beautiful, intelligent, sexy, courageous, resilient (I can go on and on) they really are. Here is my proof. This is an passage I pulled from a USNEWS.COM article posted September 2008: "As of 2005, that group (referring to black women) accounted for 64 percent of the more than 126,000 women who were living with HIV/AIDS in the United States, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The rate in 2006 of new infections in black women, moreover, was nearly 15 times that in white women—55.7 infections versus 3.8 infections per 100,000 women, respectively—according to the latest data, which appear in the September 12 issue of the CDC's Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report." Oh my God, what is really going on here. The infection rate among black women is "15 times" higher than that of white women. This is the case even though black people only make up 13% of the U.S. population. You do the math.

My beautiful sisters, stop the nonsense. Is it too much to ask for you to make sure your partners are tested before you hop in the bed? I'm not just talking about taking their word, I want you to actually view the results yourself. We are talking life or death here. Just about all of my female friends tell me they pretty much have to force a guy to use a condem. This doesn't surprise me at all. I expect an abundance of men to forgo their health and safety to tap a piece of ass on short notice. What I don't expect is for women to continue to go along with this plan without a controseptive.

I have a public annoucement to make. Ladies, in case you didn't already know, men lie. Men will expecially lie for sex. They will lie about being tested. They will lie about the results. Several men are jailed every year for knowingly infecting women with HIV. I couldn't find out how many have been charged with this crime, but if you google "jailed men knowingly infecting with HIV", you will get several individual cases to review. This is some scary shit.

My black women, its time again for you to show the world how strong you are. These numbers can be turned around, only if you act collectively to put a plan into action. The next time your girlfriend starts raving about how fine this guy is she just started dating, remind her to not go to the next level until she can verify that he has been tested recently. Even then, tell her to use protection.

I mentioned how intelligent black women are earlier. This most recent data puts this into question. Black men often talk about being my brother's keeper. Women should start being their sister's keeper. Ladies, know your worth. You are priceless!

Chickens On The Run!

In the unlikely event you've heard of an rap artist by the name of Ricochet, you may have heard of the song "Chickens On The Run" (or the title may be Coo Coo Chee, I can't confirm). If you have heard the song, the lyrics make some pretty interesting statements regarding men and women. For those of you who haven't heard or don't remember, here is a sample of some lyrics: "I love being a woman", "you know you want some", "there oughta be a law the way you walk in those pants comin up in here half dressed where ya clothes at", "there's something about that kitty cat, when she gimme that" (I think you get the point).

This got me thinking about the whole cat and mouse game men and women play that starts in grade school. I joke with my homeboy til this day about keeping chicken feed in his pockets to spread around. What is chicken feed? Chicken feed is anything that will attract a woman, for example, it could be a car, money, jewelry, or non-material things, such as, however unlikely, a good personality, humor, or intelligence. Things that will attract a man are less complicated and could be referred to as a "doggy bone". LOL. Anyway, when do we as men begin to transition into the chicken chasing phase? For me, it had to begin with my older brother when I was about 11 or 12. All he and his friends ever talked about was girls girls girls girls, girls all over the world (Shot out Jay-Z). If the conversation wasn't about getting with a girl, it was about trying to get with a girl. If the conversation wasn't about the girl they just had, it was about the one they plan to get. It was like money didn't make the world go around, but women. Life was not about how many dollars you had in the bank, but how many numbers you had in the proverbial black book.

I believe these thoughts are only enhanced and fine tuned as men get older and their game becomes more organized (K-9 instincts really kick in). The predator versus prey relationship has truly developed. This is evident in the fact that most men seem to have difficulty in a monogamous relationship. Only a few men seem to be able to completely remove this kindergarten behavior from their lifestyle as adults. I refer to it as kindergarten because, it appears to develop at a young age. I've heard some people say, "Its the thrill of the chase". Every time I hear that, I want to ask them if they plan on going on an African Safari anytime soon.

The Blame Game (Men)

I used to work with a lady in her late forties. She told me about her father, the rolling stone, and how literally where ever he laid his hat was his home. She didn't know how many brothers and sisters she actually had. She turned out to be a really nice person, but I don't have to tell you what type of men her brothers (the ones she knows about) turned out. The point is, how many of us know some old school guys who fall under the same category as her father? Could this be a clue that leads us to the source of this chicken phenomenon? Or, could television perpetuate this image to us as we grow up? In how many James Bond movies does the lead character hook up with a good looking woman? In just about every movie you can think of with a stud lead male character he hooks up with a female. Wasn't Shaft a ladies man also? There may be a lot of finger pointing to go around.

The Blame Game (Women)

I haven't forgot about the song and lyrics I mentioned earlier. I'm saving the best for last. A major part of the song discusses how women use their sexuality to their benefit. Did the skirt really have to be that short? If so, why are you constantly tugging at is throughout the day to force a few more centimeters from it? When I go to the gym to workout, it never fails, there are always several women in there dressed in a revealing manner (I'm talking camel toe) talking on the cell, constantly viewing the room for observers, while barely breaking a sweat. These are the same ones that wonder why men are staring at them. Yeah, he is actually thinking about what a wonderful spouse you would make. Yeah right, "oh my, what big teeth you have, the better to eat you with my dear". That's what he's really thinking. Women flaunt it all day everyday, and men love it. There is a reason many women can't get ready for a date in under 30 minutes. Does hook, line, and sinker ring a bell? Andre 3000 talks about this very subject in his album "The Love Below". (I will do another blog on that album later.)

Truth be told, we are the foxes outside the pen sizing up the chickens. However, most chickens are armed with bird flu that they are apparently immune to. They don't seem to be bothered when they see the fox's sharp teeth as he glazes over the chicken's breast and thighs in her 5 inch heels. The chicken just stands there patiently taking her time, putting lip stick on, planning her strategy to how to use what she got to get what she wants. And 9 times out of 10, she will get what she wants.

This phenomenon has been around for ages and it won't be leaving anytime soon. Economics 101, supply and demand. Women have the supply and it is definitely in demand.

Pimping the Pulpit

Before I begin, let me start out by saying I am not an atheist. I do believe in God. I consider myself spiritual, but not religious. With that said, am I the only person that has noticed all these pastors pimping the pulpit, especially within the larger churches? I finished reading a book over the summer called "Snakes in the Pulpit", written by a pastor by the name of Rueben Armstrong. This book reflected my thoughts on the subject of "The Message" being lost between the dollar signs. Armstrong spoke of his pastoral mentor introducing him into the life of the lord. I recall the chapter where he mentions his mentor telling him something to the effect of "we need to get more money from our members, because I need a new car". I was reminded of this book this past Sunday as I sat attentively in church listening to the enchanting words of my so called Bishop. I hope I wasn't too harsh by saying "so called". I was extremely bothered by the sermon he delivered in reference to giving your hard earned money to "the lord". I can't quote every word, but in a nut shell he said that we should not be faithful to or depend on man. We should only be faithful to the lord. We should not attempt to pay our debts (car payment, mortgage, gas bill, etc.), until we have been faithful to the lord and paid our fair share to the church first. He said that when your faithful to the lord and your car gets repossessed, you can catch a ride with a friend (god has made a way). If I'm not mistaken, didn't he just say don't depend on man? If I'm not mistaken, if I bum a ride from a friend, didn't I just depend on man? As a matter of fact, when you lose your house, you don't get the equity you've invested over X number of years. That money is just gone. Likewise, when you car gets repossessed, it ruins you credit, which makes it harder to buy a replacement, which means you will pay a higher interest rates, which means you will have even less money to give to the church.

Even in this horrible economy with people losing jobs, homes, and savings left and right, he still expects people to give every dime they have or don't have to the church and claim we are giving money to the lord. SOMEONE HELP ME OUT HERE! I don't have a problem with anyone giving what they can afford to give. If your paying your tithes on a credit card, and you can't pay the card bill off immediately, guess what? You can't afford it.

Wouldn't a better message be to teach people to reduce there debt so that they can give an appropriate amount of funds to the church.? If you really feel like you should give a certain amount to the church, then sacrifices should be made so that you maintain running water, heat in your home, and a roof over your head, while giving to the church. Maybe, don't eat out as much, or reduce that cell phone plan. If paying a certain amount is important enough to a person, reducing other expenses shouldn't be a problem.

It bothers me because I know he isn't alone in delivering this message. I still can't believe he said it. My childhood days in church involved messages centered around loving thy neighbor, respecting thy parents, and the ten commandments. When did it become about the pastors and their private jets, million dollar homes, Bentley's, and more? Why don't more people seem to question this behavior?

I have concluded that these men and women standing in these money green pulpits are nothing more than modern day pimps. The are pimping the members of the church, the communities they operate in, and the IRS, since they are exempt from paying some taxes. If they are pimps, then what does that make the people who follow them? LOL. A person can never have too much common sense.